Single Dad Tips

Single Dads on TV continues to show single fathers as incapable ditherers.

How wrong can stereo-typing can be.
When will TV show how wonderful most Single Dads are. 
Comment by Admin April 27,2012
Original post – By admin on Friday, February 6th, 2009

Single Dads on TV

(and how they can’t raise kids)

by Whitney Brennan

For some TV shows, it takes more than one to raise a single dad’s kids. I mean, we all know that men can’t raise children. Right?

Well, if you look at television shows, the answer is that they can—just not on their own. So, as the stereotype goes, parenting comes naturally to women, and men need help. And in some cases, the help comes in the form of a wilder, more rebellious male. Not only can the seemingly responsible guy not take care of kids on his own, but he enlists the help of someone even less capable than himself. Bumbling fathers make for great entertainment, but what does this say about men as single parents?

How many people does it take to raise a single dad’s kids? On “Everwood” (now on the long list of cancelled shows), single dad Andy relies on at least three others to nurture his son and daughter. His neighbor Nina, his doctor friend Harold and Harold’s mother all dispense advice to a parentally challenged Andy. Occasionally, older son Ephram steps in.

And, surprisingly, today’s shows about single fathers aren’t that much different from the ones we watched years ago.

Remember “Full House”? It was a half-hour comedy that ran from 1987 to 1995. Danny Tanner’s wife is killed by a drunken driver, so he must raise his three daughters. Danny’s best friend Joey and his brother-in-law Jesse move in with the Tanners and end up being two extra dads for the girls. Jesse later marries Danny’s talk show co-host Rebecca, who also helps with raising the kids. Danny is clearly the most capable of the group, yet he still needs help. And help comes from aspiring comic Joey, who wears cartoon character pajamas, and from Uncle Jesse, a rock musician (allegedly) who wears black leather and is very interested in women.

“My Two Dads,” a show that ran from 1987 to 1990, was about two men raising one child—hence the title. When teenager Nicole’s mom dies, she leaves her in the custody of Nicole’s father, whom Nicole has never met. However, Mom also leaves Nicole in the custody of another former boyfriend, Joey. The strange decision to leave a daughter with two former boyfriends upon death is not the point—although it’s probably the reason for the show’s short life span. The point is that one caretaker isn’t enough when it’s a man. Michael, Nicole’s father, needs the help of Joey and a female judge—who oversees the upbringing—to raise his daughter. Joey is a carefree artist who has many lady friends. And this message that single dads can’t fly solo continues to pervade TV.

“Two and a Half Men” is about two men, Alan and his brother Charlie, who raise Alan’s son Jake—most often on weekends. Alan’s ex-wife Judith usually keeps their son during the week. Grandma Evelyn also helps with the parenting. The wild Charlie is busy living the life of a wealthy bachelor when his brother comes to live with him in his beach house. Charlie becomes a caretaker of sorts, but parents Jake in a way that only a stereotypical male would.

In the series’ pilot episode, Charlie bonds with 10-year-old Jake by letting him play at his poker games and taking him to meet girls. In a season two episode, Jake is in danger of getting suspended from school for giving his teacher the finger. Charlie tries to save the day by wooing the teacher. Although Jake’s father Alan is not as wild as Charlie, in one episode, Alan asks a woman to marry him after knowing her only three days. Charlie, the brother who usually causes the trouble, is the sensible one in this situation and tries to convince Alan that he shouldn’t marry.

When Judith goes on vacation in a season two episode, weekend dad Alan becomes full-time dad. He finds it difficult to take care of Jake and forgets to pick his son up from soccer practice. When Alan discovers he has to go to the Internal Revenue Service, Charlie must take care of Jake—and he’s not any better at parenting. The brothers’ antics are entertaining, but as dads, they are each a beer belly away from being a couple of Homer Simpsons.

When the show is not a comedy, the wilder, rebellious male surrogate disappears because the stereotype is mainly for humor—but others still help with parenting in dramas. On “Everwood,” Andy must raise his two children when his wife dies in a car accident. He moves to Everwood, Colorado, because his wife had said she’d been there once and it was “‘just like heaven.’” Sure, that’s a good enough reason to pack up two children and move them across the country away from everything they’ve ever known after they’ve just lost their mom. Not a good first single dad move. But it gives oldest son Ephram another reason to hate his dad, which makes for some good father/son shouting matches.

Ephram often parents his younger sister Delia and seems to know her better than his dad does. This is probably because when their mother was alive, neurosurgeon Dad was never home. In one episode, 8-year-old Delia picks out a movie for the family to watch: “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Ephram tells his dad that he shouldn’t let her watch it. His dad asks, “Am I missing something?” His son responds, “Eight years of raising her. She can’t watch that movie. It upsets her.” In another episode, Ephram again brings Andy’s poor parenting skills to his attention the Ephram way—with an attitude. His dad asks how things are going with Ephram and his friend Amy, and Ephram tells him that he hasn’t talked to Amy lately. His dad asks, “When did this happen?” Angry teenage son responds, “A while ago. You were too busy being clueless.”

Ephram is not the only person who pitches in with parenting. Andy occasionally seeks help from Edna, an older woman he hired to work for his practice as both nurse and office manager. He also discusses parenting issues with Edna’s son Harold, who is also a doctor and Andy’s business partner. Harold is married and has two children of his own. But Andy most often seeks help from next-door neighbor Nina, who is raising a son on her own. Although Andy has been a parent longer than Nina—since her son is younger than Andy’s oldest—he always asks Nina for advice. She never asks him for parenting advice. Maybe this is because she overhears all of those father/son shouting matches. But what does this say about a man’s ability to raise children? Why do the two single parents not share parenting advice? Why is it that women are supposed to know how to raise kids, but men aren’t?

To compare the portrayal of single moms with single dads, just look at the WB sitcom “Reba.” In the beginning of the series, Reba’s dentist husband of 20 years, Brock, leaves her for his much younger and more blond dental hygienist Barbra Jean, whom he got pregnant. Reba’s 17-year-old daughter, who is recovering from alcoholism, learns she’s pregnant and decides to marry the father. Second daughter Kyra moves in with Brock and Barbra Jean. Reba also deals with her last child Jake moving into adolescence.

Reba confronts issues of single parenting alone. She cannot rely on her ex-husband and his new wife for parental support. Dad tells Kyra to quit school and focus on her music career, and Barbra Jean takes on the “dumb blond” role better than Jessica Simpson. But imagine if the show were about a single dad. Faced with so much dysfunction, he would need at least a next-door neighbor to dispense parenting advice.

What about “Gilmore Girls” (which ended last year, upsetting millions of women the world over). Yes, toward the end of the show’s life span, single mom Lorelai asks for advice on raising daughter Rory, but for almost five seasons, she parents alone. At the end of season five, Rory convinces her boyfriend to steal a yacht for a night of fun, and both end up in jail. Then Rory tells her mom she is dropping out of Yale. Lorelai goes to her parents for advice and then to boyfriend Luke. But “Gilmore Girls” is different from “Everwood” in that Lorelai is portrayed as a very capable single mother. She and her daughter are best friends. Rory makes a few mistakes, as most kids do, and Lorelai seeks advice, as most parents do. But on “Everwood,” Andy consistently has trouble relating to his kids, and he always needs advice on how to raise them.

Progress has certainly been made on TV regarding single dads. To have single dads at all on TV is a step forward. Back in the day, “The Donna Reed Show” and “Leave It to Beaver” depicted the “normal” family as consisting of a mother and a father. So, shows that are more realistic and portray single dads are welcomed. But now we need to see more capable single dads to combat the pesky stereotypes that men aren’t good at raising children and that women are born with a child-rearing gene. Let’s add “good with children” to our culturally defined list of what being a man is. I know there are men who are better at parenting than some women. For example, Will Smith or Pamela Anderson? My money’s on Will.

And think about this: Would TV shows like “My Two Moms” or “Two and a Half Women” ever exist? Of course not. Two women parenting a child is superfluous; one gets the job done.

www.whitneybrennan.com

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/television-articles/single-dads-on-tv-457757.html

About the Author

For biographical information, please see Whitney Brennan

The Lonely Marriage

By admin on Thursday, August 19th, 2010 | 67 Comments

It’s so easy to fall in love, it’s so easy to fall in love, its so easy . . . . Love me or leave me, don’t let me be lonely, I want your love and I want your love only . . . Why then, are there so many lonely married people around?

Today’s songs are more realistic, I think. Less romantic. The truth of the matter is that people don’t always experience the same kind of love. Some are in it for the sex, some romance and some to feel they have someone who will stay with them for a while. Today’s love songs revel in the sexual, there’s hardly any attempt to conceal their meaning. Perhaps that is why so many young people get together because of sexual attraction, or, as many young girls attest, “I just wanted to be a Mum”.

Is that because by being a Mum they feel sure that someone will be there to love them when the relationship goes wrong? Perhaps. Maybe they just need someone to need them. Such is the price we pay for independence, the materialism that is every person’s right, and the need to survive in an uncertain world, or all three at once. The three prongs of the fork that drives mothers out to work also robs their children of the nurturing and support that leads to the development of confidence, a feeling of being cared for and plain, honest undivided attention. They feel supported from behind and therefore more able to put tendrils out into the world and learn how it works before running headlong towards independence for which they are ill prepared.

Truth be told, we don’t pay the price either. It is our children, those sad teenage single parents, who will only too often pay the price. Not at first, not now, but sometime in the future when their dependant child (or children) wants independence of their own, leaving their mother lonely. Once premature middle age or alcohol and drug fired ill health robs them of their ‘comfortable years’, they will surely pay the price.

Passionate infatuation gives way, over time, to humdrum, even a dislike of the other party. They build their relationships on clay, without developing firm foundations based on friendship and respect. Instead of the promise of good things to come, many married people complain of feeling alone. These days each person in the marriage expects to enjoy their own career, a share in bringing up the children and equal rights over making decisions. Traditional roles (I am not supporting them or voicing dissent against them) are often shattered in an attempt to find a new way to live together.

There are uncertainties, confused roles, demands and expectations that weren’t seen so frequently previously, so it is no wonder that couples struggle somewhat against each other rather than pulling together as a partnership of differing roles. As time goes by, instead of bonding and binding together, each married partner tries to get on with life as best they can, trying to keep each other happy and yet lead their own life too. It is hard to exist under such a strain.

After years of listening to people’s problems and offering solutions, certain patterns are appearing. The first struggle seems to be around the first pregnancy, when inexperienced girls have to cope with so much information, so much caring from the medical profession, expectations that husbands or partners will be involved and so much pressure to ‘have a natural birth’ that they feel shame and inadequacy at the first signs that things might not pan out the way ‘it should be’. They have so many doubts and fears about a safe and painless birth that they are afraid to express in case they are laughed at or put down with a casual “Just practice breathing and everything will be alright”. Nobody tells them that it is bloody well going to hurt, and they are better off getting some help when the urge to push gets too strong. I don’t know whether any ever tells first time mothers about post natal depression and how to overcome it, what the solutions are, what to do if you feel damn miserable or apathetic and how to deal with the guilt and anger, but I get to deal with the aftermath. Can’t anyone in the medical profession prepare these young women for the reality as well as the romance of childbirth. Motherhood is not all about buying nice things and playing Mum and Dad as people often think today.

And what about the men? Does anyone prepare them for the feelings about wanting to walk away from the responsibility of it, the helplessness they feel inside, the fear that they might accidentally hurt their small baby? How are they prepared for the feeling of being left out, of loosing the attention of, and sex with their partner? Why don’t we talk about this in school and prepare our teenage kids for what is to come.

The next danger time comes when the young parents are struggling to make ends meet. He is desperate to build up a career of some kind in order to protect and nurture his family. He puts in extra hours and, with less sleep, feels distinctly weary. When he comes home the kids are playing up and he doesn’t get time to unwind before he is thrust into the bosom of his family, nerves awry and jangling. Or, he returns home late, the kids are already tucked up in bed, the wife is ironing or flopped out in front of the tele totally exhausted. What kind of life is this, he wonders, “This is not how it was meant to be”.

He thinks that his wife has lost that look he fell for. She no longer has the energy to change and get made up before he comes home from work, and anyhow, she never knows what time he is going to return. She thinks he has become moody, difficult and unresponsive. They both feel lonely and uncared for.

Danger point three comes later, when each have found their own solution to their disappointment. Either they have made separate friends and other interests in order to fill the gap in their relationship, or she has buried herself in her children, mother’s mornings and shopping and he buries himself in his work, his mates and ‘going down the pub’. She might be going out to work, rushing home and picking up the kids from minders, cooking dinner or picking up a take-away meal and trying to cram a bit of housework into the evening before slumping exhausted into bed. Either way, it is still far from the promise of a romantic life together and a happy family existence.

It is no wonder that so many married couples drink a lot. But this is no solution to their lonely lives. The glowing happy laughing alcohol infused faces mask the sadness they both feel inside. The alcohol acts as a depressant anyway, doing untold damage to their bodies and robbing them of years off their lives.

I see so much damage, it is difficult for me to stand by and observe without comment. With a bit of education and the patience to learn about the reality of adulthood, young people would be better equipped to deal with the demands of love and marriage and parenthood. Why is it necessary to wait until it is too late to prevent such sadness and pain? Why does the state not put together a programme of life skills to be taught in schools that include how to relate to people, how to deal with life issues and to prepare couples for living together happily and sharing their lives with their families. They need to be given the tools to be able to work through the difficulties that they will face together. They need to feel supported by the state, not live in fear and loneliness, hoping that they will survive, and that their relationship will endure without their partner finding solace in the arms of another, wrecking the family in the process.

The harsh realities of personal relationships should be discussed and support skills provided for all school children. They will end up having happier, more fulfilled lives as a consequence, and being less of a burden on the state too. It is an economical and necessary exercise that could bring benefits all round.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/the-lonely-marriage-634590.html

About the Author

Angela Saunders,

The U.K’s Leading ‘Relationship Doctor’, can be found at: www.relationshiphotline.com

Your Relationship Help Starts Here.

Angela Saunders is a Chartered Psychologist who has over 25 years experience in counselling and problem solving. She has worked with individuals and companies to improve relationships and understanding, teaching how to overcome conflict and the effects of change. Her expertise has led her to work with some of the UK’s leading corporates and she has appeared on popular television chat shows and national and local radio stations. Angela has been a regular contributor to press room content.

Permission is given for this article to be reproduced provided that it is copied or printed in its entirety, including the signature and contact details. Angela is available for media interviews by appointment. Approaches should be made in the first instance via the website above

Are You A Single Father Parenting Your Child ?

6 Great Tips For You !

Originaql Posting by admin on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Building a deep relationship with your little one without his or her mom by your side is entirely achievable. Every single father parenting his child might be somewhat worrying he’s not going to be capable to be authoritarian enough or loving enough.

There’s a first crucial advice I would give to any single father parenting his child, which is :

1.    Never try to be the hero. Just be the dad your kid can really rely on and discuss with. Tell him things about your childhood, show compassion regarding what he feels as a child. It’ll help building up the relationship with him.

Being a single father parenting your little one takes a lot and the 5 advices below will help you see what you can do:

2.    Do not lie to your kid. He needs to feel trusted. Be truthful and don’t make any promises you know you will not keep.

3.    Pay attention to your words and behavior. Be the adult you want your little one to become. Do not forget youngsters imitate parents. A single father parenting his child needs to be even more aware of the image he gives back to his child.

4.   Encourage good behaviors. Help your kid having a good attitude with you by seeing what it may bring to his life. Tell him you’re proud and pleased when he reacts that way. Put words on what you feel, this will show your kid how he can express his own feelings to you.

5.    Never be upset when your kid has a bad behavior. It’s pointless and doesn’t teach emotional self-control. Make the rules very clear. Have a firm tone of voice. Don’t shout, do not spank. Just communicate your disappointment. It’ll have a much better effect on your little one. If you really need to punish, do so but clarify what actions you punish and that you love him no matter what.

6.    Listen to your little one and make eye contact when he talks. Tell him you’re happy he shares things with you. Express interest in his life and what he discovers. Ask him some questions. You will be a part of his life much more like that. Play with your kid ! Be the cowboy, the baby, the policeman of your child’s imaginary town. It is particularly important.

I do hope that, as a single father parenting your child and in need of assistance, you’ll apply these advices and witness good results. Maybe you will not, I’m not declaring every situations are identical and I know it can in some cases be far more complicated. In many situations, a parenting method can solve things by providing a guideline, valuable communication tools and full support to parents. Some of them even focus on single parenting.

If you’re interested, I set up a website with other parents after we made a selection of efficient parenting programs and reviewed them. The link to our website is in my bio. I know it can change things. Good luck !

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/are-you-a-single-father-parenting-your-child-6-great-tips-for-you–1799705.html

About the Author

Laura Kaine is the mother of June (10) and Jack (4). She personally helped many parents and shares her knowledge online as an expert parenting writer. After putting an end to her daughter’s defiant behavior thanks to a parenting program, she convinced other parents to gather their experiences and review together different parenting methods that worked for them. The website they created together is www.YourParentingHelp.com.